The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers. (delascabezas) wrote in frankandeddie,
The Son of the last of a long line of thinkers.

On Three Counts of Vehicular Manslaughter and Disturbing the Peace

"I am telling you man, this will never work."

"Frank, why are you so negative all of the sudden? Ever since that whole thing with the shark and the motorcycle... it's like you've changed."

"Eddie, if not for the grace of the good lord and a cargo loading hook, I would not be here to bitch at you. Wanna know what I lost? My sense of humor about this job."

"Frank, just listen to the plan one more time. Please?"

"Waste of time... Go ahead."

"O.K. So we get Punjab here..."

"Mr. Eddie sir, my name is Peter. My last name is Punjabbisaladimi..."

"Shut it."

"Yes sir."

"Right, so, Punjab, who has never driven a car in his life, right? We plant him in front of the hotel in a cab..."

"Where do we get the cab Eddie?"

"Mr. Frank sir, my brother has offered me the loan of his taxicab for the afternoon."

"Pun... No.. .Peter, right? Does your brother know that you have never driven before?"

"Oh yes sir, but he said if I wreck his car, he will just buy a new one with the monies Mr. Eddie is going to pay us."

"The money..."

"Yeah Frank. Remember? Gustavo pays finders fees. I figure if Punjab pulls off the job, he gets the fee as a bonus."

"Its Peter, Mr. Eddie sir."

"Eddie, c'mere. No. Peter, Punjab, whatever your name is, you stay right there. This will just take a moment."

"What is the problem Frank?"

"Eddie, who the fuck is Gustavo , and what is he paying?"

"Oh, that. Don't worry. Punjab won't live to collect. Besides, his insurance agent? My cousin Rocco."

"You have a cousin who sells insurance?"

"How the hell do you think I got the policy on the Neon? After the last three cars, nobody who wasn't family was going to..."

"Right. O.K. So now you are mixing our honorable profession in with insurance fraud? I don't like it Eddie."

"Just this once Frank. You'll see. I'm going to give him directions that will take him across the busiest avenues and onto the highway. It would take 10 miracles for him not to get in a crash."

"People get into car crashes all the time without dying Eddie."

"Not when they have a trunk full of propane canisters and roofing nails Frank."

"Damn Eddie. You thought this one through, I'll give you that."

"Yeah well, I kinda owe Rocco a favor or two, so this has to go off without a hitch."

"Hey Peter, I thought I told you to wait over there by the car! Can't you see that Eddie and I are... Oh fuck. Oh good fuck. Run Eddie."

"Mr. Eddie, the police, they said if I do not move the car, they would tow it, but you said not to interrupt."

"Aw shit."

"Goddammit Eddie, how much propane was that?"

"Enough to remove all traces of either car when that tow truck guy put it into drive I guess."

"Shit. You know what this means, right Eddie?"

"Yep, I'm afraid I'm gonna need to find another Punjab. Thank goodness that last one was kinda portly, or I might be full of roofing nails right now."

"You mean aside from your head, right?"

"See, so negative!"


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